hey ya'll!!!

spent another weekend with my high school friends... an afternoon until the next morning (4:00pm-6:00am) it was not what i had planned... hindi ko binalak na umuwi ng umaga... pro wla akong nagawa... makikisabay lang ako umuwi and ang kapal naman ng mukha ko diba, kung mag-aaya akong umuwi tapos ayaw pa nila. so i decided to call my dad, knowing na papayagan nya ko magpaumaga na. kasi wala syang magagawa, and i also know na hindi nya susunduin. syempre alam kong tulog na sya, and wla na syang strength na bumangon at sunduin pa ako... so ayon, i juz stayed there til it was 6 in the morning. haaay naku, bat ba ako ganito? i feel so helpless when it comes with my friends... kung tutuusin i can juz ride a cab pauwi. of course, wala naman akong courage to do that kasi takot akong umuwi mag-isa.
haaaay naku, the limitations when you're a girl like me... so sick with it... sometimes, wanna juz go and have some fun na walang iniisip... paano ako uuwi?... paano sila mama? what would they say?... paano bukas? ano gagawin ko bukas? may mga dapat ba akong gawin na hindi ko pa nagagawa?....aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

sometimes, i tell to myself that i have to learn to let go... let go of the uncertainties of the future... kaya cguro ako hindi makatulog, pag umiinom ako... i don't know how to let go and be loose... i don't wanna do all those stupid things that people do when they're drunk... i don't wanna wake up next morning, wondering what happened last night... gusto ko lahat, alam ko, and hindi ko pagsisihan ang mga ginawa ko...these are all the things i hear inside my head, over and over again, wyl i'm drinking... sa tingin ko, tama naman lahat ng iniisip ko... pro i can't help feeling na it is not right... sa sobrang dami kong iniisip, i sometimes forget how to have fun.. ha! tamang tama nga cguro ang initials ko saken... K.J, KILL JOY! yup, i'm a K.J.

one time, somebody, gave me a complement... ang galing ko raw uminom... ang galing ko raw magdala, no matter how much bottles or glasses na ang naiinom ko... i'm still proper... naisip ko paano ako gagaling uminom, e hindi ko pa nararanasan kung paano malasing...

ang laki ng problema ko noh? bakit naman nagiging reflection paper etong post ko ngayon, dapat ikukwento ko senyo what happened at the night i was with my h.s. friends. haaay naku... hindi talga ako writer... wlang direction mga pinagsususulat ko dito... kung makikita 'to ng english prof ko dati, i know that she'll say: too wordy! i will fail you!